Sophomore slumps

My freshman year at college was, to be completely honest, nothing short of AMAZING. I made new friends: friends who loved Jesus and helped me to grow in my faith, and friends who didn't, who I could talk to about their beliefs and learn more about them. Friends who kept in touch over the summer, and friends who I could see again in September and it had been like we never left. Friends who let me cry into their shoulder, and friends who cried into mine. Some of my high school friends had mentioned, during our first break home together, that they felt hug-deprived when they went away...but I never felt that at all. In fact, I was more hug-deprived at home than I was at school. A hug-overdose was more like it...I had found my niche, and I was in love with everything about my school. I never wanted to go home...I finished my finals in May on Monday of that week but didn't even go home until Friday, and I cried when I had to leave to go home for the summer. Seriously. Most people work the other way... haha. I had my own little bubble of happiness, friendship, Jesus, and I liked a boy who appeared to like me back (too bad I'm a chicken)... in essence: life was good.

I've heard the term "sophomore slump" before but never even thought about it until recently. I waited so long for that summer to end, so I could go back to my bubble. Summer ended, and I moved back an entire week early because of my job on campus. I was so excited to see my friends, to see that boy, to stay up late at night playing cards instead of doing homework, to hike in the beautiful gorge, to watch Brad and Mike juggle, to pray with the community I loved so much. Finally, the day came when they moved back in, and I was at work when I saw that boy. He saw me, smiled (oh how I loved that smile), walked over, said "Hi" to me, and asked me what I was up to later. I said nothing, that we should hang out (he agreed), and then got yelled at and had to get back to work. I think my heart jumped a foot and a half into the air (it is right now too, actually). "I'm home," I thought to myself. I couldn't be happier.

Now, about that sophomore slump thing. Apparently, when people graduate, they don't let them come back to live at college anymore. And when housing messes up the room assignments, you don't end up living next to the same amazing people you did before. Gone were the days when I could walk next door when I was bored, or stressed, or broken about something, and instead play super smash brothers, or get a random Bible message from Aaron or Dan.

So when I realized that my old neighbors weren't coming back, it put me into the reality. If I had a life-crisis and needed to talk to Aaron (he's the resident Dr. Phil, a pretty wonderful guy to talk to about anything in life), I could just walk outside to the building next door, no big deal. Except it gets more complicated when he has a girlfriend who he spends a lot of time with this year. She's one of my best friends, I was happy for them when they became a couple over the summer, but that means that instead of hanging out with just one of them, I get the pair...constantly...which I don't think I like. And the one he is dating used to come to visit all the time last year, and I could hang out with her...but I started to realize that her visits were always to see him. And since I'm not his neighbor anymore, I don't get to see her either.

And remember this boy that I liked? I had the pleasure of finding out from another friend a couple weeks into school that he had gotten a girlfriend over the summer as well, and didn't even bother to tell me, though he had a chance. The second or third day of school I asked him who the girl was in the picture on his desk. I mean, it was a picture of JUST her, and I am not dumb, but wanted to give him a chance to tell me (and secretly I hoped it was a cousin or something). He did, in fact, know that I liked him, because I told him...on the last day of freshman year (yeah, telling a boy I like him right before we're about to spend 3 months apart = bad idea...I said earlier that I was a chicken, right?). Anyways, in response to my question about the picture, he told me her name and that she was "a girl he met at camp." Oh, and the fact that you're DATING isn't important enough to tell me?? Ooooo, I was angry at him for a week. So angry. He was trying to save my feelings or something lame like that... but it only made me feel like he lied to me (because he did). Luckily I don't stay angry for long. We became the best of friends again, but everything had to change. I couldn't visit him randomly to see how he was doing, we couldn't climb trees or walk in the gorge together anymore...I didn't even want to do homework with him alone. It sucked, and it killed me inside to have to consciously spend less time with him. It seems every time I like a boy, they decide they like another girl more. Always.

Anyway, because of those reasons and a couple other ones, my little happy bubble was popped within the first three weeks of school. Classes were harder. Friendships had changed. Other than the two I had mentioned, a couple more relationships had popped up over the summer and in the first few months of school, so I had some other friends who I couldn't see as often anymore because they were spending time with their honeys. I felt stressed out, alone, and sad. I wanted to go back to last year. And I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting a honey of my own. For the first time ever, in November, I actually WANTED to get home for Thanksgiving break. Haha, oh how things had changed.

College is only new and exciting once, which is probably why the term "sophomore slump" came into practice. I expected things to be just like they were...and they weren't, go figure. We don't get stronger when everything is wonderful all the time, right? I have learned to rely on God when it seems He is my only friend, and I know I am loved. One of my favorite songs reminds me that WE are the broken, GOD is the healer. I am not perfect, nor are any of my friends. We are all learning and struggling together, and when things aren't perfect, I will never be alone, even though sometimes it feels that way. I have built up new friendships, and some have faded a little bit, which saddens me a little, but I have learned through each struggle and sadness I've encountered. And I am positive that next year will bring new changes and challenges just like this one. But this year, I'm expecting it ;-). I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, or so I'm told.