May

Since my senior year of high school, May has been a very important and change-filled month for me. Since then, this is the VERY FIRST May that I am not moving. Finals week came and went, and I did not pack up my entire life, shove everything I own into my car (or my parents' car), drive it all to Fairview, and pile it up into my teeny bedroom at home. I did not, like the past two Mays, turn around the following week, sort out everything piled in my teeny bedroom, and then move the chosen summer-worthy items into a new place. I didn't say goodbye to any new friends. I didn't start any new jobs. I haven't yet made any new friends. I didn't take a long road trip with daddy to get me to Columbus, IN. I've just kept on...living my life. I stopped taking classes, yes (by the way, the BEST thing ever! Working 40 hours a week is SO much better when it's not followed by fluids homework!), but I still work and live in the same place ... my life is largely the same.

Looking outside my window most of last week and seeing all of my neighbors move out seemed very surreal. I felt like I needed to be packing or moving also.

I haven't yet decided if I like it yet. I am feeling a mixture of relief, relaxation, and anxiety. The relaxation and relief come from the simple fact that I don't have to move. Moving is stressful, I lose things when I move, I drop things when I move, I have to say goodbye when I move. But I'm also anxious. Other people around me are moving, and I am not...with that sinking feeling of being left behind. I am at that point in my year when I normally am going through some sort of transition, and I'm not. I'm staying here instead. There's nothing wrong with here, it's just very much not somewhere else. Maybe I should be somewhere else? Moving in May has become such an important part of my life, that it's hard to shake the feeling that I should be moving.

On another note, I need to get up the courage to ride my bike into campus every day. I did it on Sunday to have lunch with some friends, and it was very tiresome. The hills in the little 2-mile bike ride commute almost murdered me, and when I got to their house I was huffing and puffing for nearly 20 minutes. I need to get into shape. Really, I just need to suck it up and do it every day so that I get used to it (I mean, I didn't die on Sunday, so nothing too terrible would happen). It's just...a challenge. But spending money on the bus is getting annoying, and I DID purchase this beautiful sea-green GT Transeo bike back in November.

Isn't it so pretty? I even drove all the way to Pittsburgh and test-rode it and everything before buying it ... it is MY bike. I'm not one for wasting money,and I do enjoy biking more than riding the bus (when I'm not dying, that is), so I will ride this bike to work. Seriously. But not tomorrow, because I have to not be sweaty while I give a presentation to the people who sponsor my research project. Tomorrow's going to be long. Maybe Friday. Yeah, let's go for Friday.