On waiting

It seems to be an interesting trend amongst my facebook friends, and something I notice more now that I've gone through the getting-engaged-then-married thing.

Full disclosure: we dated for almost 3 years and then were engaged for 7 months.  For me, it felt like forever waiting almost 3 years to get engaged; and then 7 months of engagement seemed perfect (bordering on the short side).  Some would consider that engagement absurdly short.  My husband considered 7 months absurdly long.  So, there's different opinions on the matter and I'm certainly not saying one way is right and one is wrong.  Do what works best for you, in all cases. 

But I just completely am mind-boggled when I see things like:

"Happy 6-year anniversary!  Only a little over one more year until we get married!"

Another facebook friend just got engaged this past week.  She's a friend I knew from dance in high school, and was dating her current beau THEN.  We graduated from high school in 2006.  Just.  Got.  Engaged.

Like, WHAT??  That's extreme. 

Amiright?

Maybe I'm wrong.

But dear goodness, like, what are you even waiting for?

Do you really need several years to plan a wedding?  Probably not. 

Are you trying to wait until you're at a point in your life when there's no more transition and you're finally "stable"?  What exactly is "stable," anyway?  If after undergrad comes grad school, after grad school comes finding a job, after jobs come promotions and moving and losing jobs and new jobs... I feel like "stable" is definitely an imaginary thing.

Maybe you don't have the money and you're saving up.  Sure.  But aside from the wedding, you save way more money once you're married.  I've noted that the whole living-together-cooking-together-laundry-together thing saves a bunch between the two of us.

And that's the thing.  Marriage has changed from a big deal to a not-so-big-deal.  If you're already living together, sharing finances and holidays, having sex, adopting pets together, having kids together, and in ALL ways but legally are already functioning as a married couple, then what does marriage even add?  Nothing but tax benefits and hospital visitation rights, really.

Heck, for me to add Dave to my health care plan through Penn State, I only need to prove that I live with him.  Marriage certificate not required even to get on the same health care plan.

And I think that's sad.  Not in the way conservatively-religious old people complain about "kids these days" and their "sinful cohabitation" and blah blah blah.  I mean, if you don't have a personally strong conviction against living together, etc. before marriage then more power to you to do what you want.  But.  The whole package, the already-fully-functioning-as-a-married-couple-before-actual-marriage lifestyle will take all the fun away from the actual transition into marriage, because it's not even a transition at all.

It becomes reduced to planning a wedding, and going back to normal life soon thereafter.

As Sherlock Holmes once said:
"Two people who currently live together are about to attend church, have a party, go on a short holiday and then carry on living together. What’s big about that?" - Sherlock, Ep 2 Season 3


What IS big about that?

It's been a blast, in this newlywedded season, to get to know one another.  It's been a struggle sometimes, too.  After you've made a commitment to one another for life, you get to find out who snores and who leaves the dishes out and who gets really freaked out by spiders (actually, we already knew that one).  You learn how to grocery shop together and how to do chores together.  How to love selflessly and how to forgive.  You get to wake up with your loved one by your side.  All the while, looking ahead to the future, because we'll be stuck together for a really long time.  :-)

I love it, and I think a lot of young couples today are missing out.