Goodbye

We had our last IV this Thursday, which meant it was time to say bye to people who are leaving. A favorite time of the year for all of us. This year, there are 4 graduating seniors, in addition to 6 others who are transferring schools (four of them to University Park...darn you Penn State Behrend for shipping half the majors away). Ten people. Ten people who aren't going to be coming back. Ten people who had become a part of my life for the past 2 years, and who were just going to up and leave, go on with their lives, and leave me here...without them.

At the end of the night, we got in a circle, laid our hands on the shoulders of those who are leaving, and then Brad Sick looked right at me and says "Would you open us in prayer, Molly?"

Maybe it was because it was Brad who said it. I mean, he is one of the people in that group that I had gotten the closest to these past two years. It's funny how what could have hurt a lot of friendships made ours stronger, and just thinking about him not being there next year in classes, in Almy, and at worship, utterly broke my heart.

Maybe it was because I had just realized that I was opening prayer to send off a group full of ten people that I truly loved, and I felt like I was losing half of my family.

Maybe it was just seeing the genuine love for Christ in every person standing in that tight circle of 30 students, people that God had just kind of placed in my lap when I came to college, and I was overwhelmed with His love at that moment.

Maybe my heart was breaking for the few who were leaving who didn't quite figure out this God thing yet, and the thought that they might not pursue Him further once they left hurt me.

No matter what the reason was, I pretty much was gone right then. I nodded, prayed a few sentences, but then had to stop. Other people took over for me and we prayed for a good 20 minutes for these people... and I bawled the whole way through it. And, it was good.

God definitely heals when you are the most exposed, I think. I tend to smile a lot and cover up a lot of feelings I have on the inside for the sake of appearing strong to others. But in that moment, I couldn't keep on my happy face. Instead, God was saying, "Hey, you're sad about this, let this body of believers comfort you, and I will be here."

I need to let myself be more open more often.