Waiting and Trusting

I have always been afraid of change...my entire life I have ordered the same 3 things at restaurants I go to, sat at the same table at dinner, and had the same morning wake-up routine. I have never quit a job (except for that one time my life was in danger). I even chose to stay in Erie for college because I was not ready to be several hours away from the town that I had learned to call home. I tend to avoid change at all costs, and I am becoming more aware of it as time moves forward. I'm not certain why, I guess I just get stuck in my comfort zone and stay there. I mean, why change when the current way of life works perfectly well?

Haha, the fact that I am studying to become an engineer makes me laugh after that statement. Engineers are supposed to be innovative and constantly looking for new, better ways to do things. We'll see how that turns out.

Back to the whole Erie/college thing. There are no regrets I have for coming to Behrend. In fact, I am certain that God placed me here specifically (He even knows I hate change), and there is no place I would rather be...this has become my home. But, the summer before going to college, I had this sinking feeling. All of my friends were going to far-off places for school. Florida, Maryland, Indiana, Illinois, Ohio, and even the other side of Pennsylvania...all places where my closest friends would be scattered throughout the next four years of our lives. It felt like they were all moving on...and I would be stuck alone.

I guess this is the kind of feeling I have right now, too. Summer is coming, and once again, I feel like I am the only one staying close to home. I didn't do it on purpose...I even applied to an internship in Dayton, Ohio (I turned them down when they were planning on forcing me to commit in February...which I thought was too soon to decide what was happening with my entire summer). I decided that I wanted to spend the summer with kids and God, two of my favorite things in the world. So I applied also at Camp Notre Dame, a little camp half a mile down the street from my house. It would be perfect...I would be able to live there all week, make new friends, play with some kids and teach them about Jesus, come home to recuperate on the weekends, and even be able to make the 3 weddings I had to attend this summer.

Or so it seemed perfect. I didn't get accepted there, and now I have no summer job. I have a wonderful friend who right away offered to put in a good word for me at a camp he worked at last summer...and he says that they always need people to work there. But at the back of my mind I had that stupid little nagging voice telling me it was too far away. I would be four hours away from home, without a car, and in a totally new environment. And those weddings? Out of the question now. With freedom only from noon on Saturday to noon on Sunday, I couldn't make the trek to Erie and back in time. It will be a change, and not just a small one. But it might be the change I've needed my whole life.

Right now, I am waiting. Everything worked out wonderfully with Behrend (which, despite being in the same city, couldn't have been any different than life before college), even though I felt abandoned at first. I am praying that God will provide for me again. Whether I stay in Erie at the same old summer job I had last year (ick...really, I don't want to do that...having no job at all would be more ideal), or go to State College to work at Krislund or somewhere else, I am certain He will use me to further His kingdom. It's just hard waiting and trusting.