The future - all too close

The question of what I'm going to do with the rest of my life has come up a lot this summer. At work, they talked to the interns about 401K plans, they're giving us opportunities to interview for real-life jobs, and at the same time I have to consider whether or not I want to go to grad school right out of school, or later on in life, or never.

I am interviewing for GE's Edison Engineering Development Program in a week and a half (yikes!), and that kind of will determine what happens from here on out. If I get it, I will have a job offer in August (which means not applying for jobs when the rest of my classmates are scrambling for them in March), and being in Erie for another two years, with the possibility of getting pipelined into working for GE for the rest of my life. Is that where I want my life to take me? I have no idea...God did give me this job, and has blessed me immensely through it both last summer and this summer. Maybe it was His intention for me to stay around for awhile. It also is a GREAT opportunity to learn the basics of engineering in a focused environment...you don't get that opportunity in many other places.

If I don't get the job...I guess I'm back at where I was at the beginning of summer...looking into taking the GRE's and searching for grad schools and all in all deciding if I want an advanced degree or not. Get a PhD and become an engineering professor? Maybe. I don't think it'd be a terrible gig to have... it actually would probably be quite fun. Making a difference in students' lives would be awesome! I just have to survive the 5 extra years of intense schooling...

And in the midst of all this, where does a family fit in????? Will I have a husband by the time I'm 30? Kids? A house? A real car? HOW DOES IT ALL FIT TOGETHER??? It's hard, and I'm starting to worry. Which is funny, too, because every decision I've made up to this point has determied the outcome of the rest of my life (which college to go to, which major to pursue, where to live, where to apply for jobs, etc). These ones just seem so much more...permanent. The wrong college - I could always transfer (I chose Behrend specifically for the ease of transferring to another campus). The wrong major - I could always change it (I was mostly undecided until my second year anyway). Getting this job - that's 2 years committment to GE, and could lead to more depending on what job offers come around afterwards. Going to grad school - that could take away my chance of ever getting an entry-level job as intensely focused as this one again, and learning the basics of engineering in the real world is so important.

I guess it all hinges on whether or not I get this job. They are offering it to fewer people this year (economy being crappy... you all have figured that out by this point), and more people are applying for it (...mostly a result of the economy being crappy once again... interns are taking advantage of every job interview opportunity under the sun so they can graduate with a job). In essence, in order to get this job, I really have to blow all of the interviewers away (and I get 4 interviews in one day!!). And if I get a job offer, I have to decide whether or not to take it. I think I've decided that part...but it's oh so difficult.

When did I get this old??