Empathy

From Merriam-Webster dictionary:

em·pa·thy - the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this.

In the past two days, I have realized that I am an incredibly empathetic person (and always have been, just never realized it before).

A couple of nights ago, a friend told me a story of an illness of one of his family members. He had told me a brief piece of it in person, one-sentence style. In that one sentence, I could see hurt in his eyes, and he wouldn't go further into detail. Later on that day we were having a conversation via facebook chat, and he asked me to pray for his family member. He told me a few more details, and I had to leave the computer, splash water on my face, blow my nose, and come back in order to continue the conversation.

I was all but sobbing over the obvious pain this friend was going through. And I couldn't even see the expression on his face. It's not like he even told me what he was feeling. He used the phrase "it scares the hell out of us" in reference to his family's reaction to the illness, and otherwise left his feelings completely out of the conversation. But my feelings became very involved. As I prayed for his family member that night, I was still suppressing sobs. All day yesterday in the times when I was alone, I was trying not to cry over it. It is utterly ridiculous, if you think of it. A friend's family member that I haven't even met is fighting a scary illness, and my heart is breaking over it.

Not that it has me surprised or anything. When a friend of mine needed a heart transplant this time last year, I wasn't sad about it until I heard the pain in his sister's voice over the phone. And at that time, I was floored with sadness for his family.

When anybody around me cries, it's hard for me not to, even if I have no idea what they're crying about. Yesterday I watched the movie Tangled (sidebar: SO GOOD! Go see it immediately), and when the little computer-animated character had tears well up in her eyes, they welled up in mine too. Computer. Animated. Character.

It works the other way too, I find it incredibly easy to be happy when the people around me are happy, whether or not I was happier earlier in that day or not.

And I think because of that, it's hard for me to have my own feelings for myself. I hardly cried at either of my grandpas' funerals. Any time I've ever said goodbye to my friends for a long period of time? Only that one time. Graduation? Nah. Was I sad in all of these situations? Of course I was. I just don't tend to show it. Or let myself feel it.

So now, I've identified a quality in myself that I wasn't previously aware of. How do I use that quality to do...anything useful? It seems like a useless gift, does it not? I get all blubbery when my friends are also blubbery. Awesome. But I can develop this in order to connect with people, and perhaps form deeper and more meaningful relationships. Here goes nothing :-)